It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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