And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
