When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
