Don't you send me to vm
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Randomize
