see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
