I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
