I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
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we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
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new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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