So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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