i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
