I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize