I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
