Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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