Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
