Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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