Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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