So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
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Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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