just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
