Just cropdusted the office
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
