Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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