what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
