That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
