just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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