I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
