She announced her abortion via fbk
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You need a sexual gate keeper
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
