Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i think my mom watched the whole time
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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