omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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