I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
