He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
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I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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