mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Quick, to the slutcave!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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