I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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