Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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