ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Quick, to the slutcave!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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