You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
