its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
