yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
