So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
