no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
