my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
