fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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