my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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