Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
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