Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Randomize
