At least make sure they are 18
Why
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
