I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
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I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
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Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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