Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
