3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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