I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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