Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
it was like eating out sand paper
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
