i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
