i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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