I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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