We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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