we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
