my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
this hospital has no fireball
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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