Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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