peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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