now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Blood and glitter go together right?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
