It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Randomize
