toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
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Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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