It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
