I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
And then he peed in my hair
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
