We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
